I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I deserve this hangover.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'm having to shit out rocks
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
