Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
