I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
