I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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