made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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