Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ketchup is God's man juice
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize