Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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