Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
