Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
you would pick up someone in the library
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
