I will die if light touches me.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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