New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
