How'd it feel making her break her religion?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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