He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
