i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Randomize
