Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
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So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
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What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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