The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
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Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
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Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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