I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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