i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
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you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
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She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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