You smell like stripper and shame
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
