if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize