lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
