I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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