Sponge bath it is.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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