I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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