it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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