Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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