just survived the first fart of the relationship.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
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