Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
