If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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