I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
