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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
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