I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
