Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
