I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize