Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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