Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
