I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
