I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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