"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
