I want to stick my p in your. b.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
she smelled like a LAN party
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
