this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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