and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
