do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Randomize
