you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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