never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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