My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
