life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
where are you?
Hypothermia
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
