Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
