absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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