So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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