I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
