i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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