I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
