i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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