Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
