what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
