Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
