he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
