Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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