theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
