I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
