dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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