Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
