Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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