I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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