my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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