Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
