i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
