i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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