I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
