I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
