So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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