I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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