guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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